The Pendulum Swings... Part 3

The Pendulum Swings... Part 3

Mood swings are a well known part of human behaviour in modern day, because of portrayal of such behaviour on television, books, radio programmes and the likes. However, mood swings are actually signs of a kind of addiction.


Addictive Lifestyles

We are in a day and age where it is easy to get addicted. Our bodies and our minds were tuned to avoid pain and maximise pleasure - that was how it was when resources were scarce and we had to fight hardship to reach our pleasure. However, nowadays, with the way our easy access to everything we ever want or need - high caloric density food, satisfaction of primitive desires and quick access to virtually everything that makes us feel good about ourselves - we have a tendency to get addicted, which ironically causes more pain than pleasure.

And because of that, we actually have more and more people having mood swings. I was in class regarding addictions and substance use for my psychotherapy course last week and it hit me as to why people have mood swings (it's not absolute but a continuum): because they are addicted to a particular process.

Process Addiction

Process addiction is an addiction for a behaiour, action or activity that leads to dependence, tolerance and withdrawal. When we're in the process, we are gaining huge amounts of pleasure from it, but tolerance builds up and we need more and more of the process to feed our pleasure. Dependence happens as a result of relying it for psychological well-being, even if for a short moment. Withdrawal is where the mood swings comes into the picture - after we had our high from the process, we actually suffer from withdrawal when we're without it. We become emotionally labile and irritable and the moment we get the same fix we suddenly become alright for the day/hour/minute again. This process includes many things, whether is it ego-boosting events, or beating others, or whatever it is.

We all look to get pleasure, it's just the process that differs and how much we depend on it that defines whether it's an addiction, which is something dysfunctional, or something which simply maintains pleasure.


Short Term vs Long Term

We always hear the differences of short term vs long term gain. Singapore is a great example of how this point is used to argue a case for an unpopular policy, or for causing problems due to the constant change of environment and its side effects. However, it is true that short term gains are not always in line with long term gains, such as the pleasure for eating Carls' Jr everyday vs the pain of coronary diseases when you're 30+. There is an unending list of things in our lives nowadays that give us pleasure in the short term but ultimately cause us to lose sight of the long term happiness, including excessive gaming, television watching, etc., creating regret when we are older. In the same breath, what is difficult and causes pain for the short term does not necessarily cause us to be able to happy with what we have in the long term.

Then What Is The Key That Gives Us Long Term Happiness?

Being accurate, precise, strong, powerful, rich or famous does not give one happiness on its own, and we all know that. Instead let's concentrate on the one thing that is the commonality amongst lasting happiness - good self-esteem. What often happens in short-term thinking is that we often neglect our "bigger self", ie our idealistic and social side of ourselves, resulting in a sense of loss and regret over time lost and inability to accomplish personal achievements, leading to a burrowing of oneself into what already gives one pleasure and an avoidance of the idea of dealing with the pain of not achieving one's ideals.

Instead if we build our own self-esteem through means which are long-lasting - benchmarks set by oneself and regularly checked as to whether it lives up to one's image of oneself - we are likely to find that we can fulfill both short term and long term pleasures. As one of my tutors just recently told my clinical group last week, "The better you are, the less you have to second-guess yourself. The less you second guess yourself, the more time and peace you have."

Is It Normal To Have A Process Addiction?

Everyone wants pleasure. And the most amount of long-lasting pleasure we seek tends to be that of a solid and good self-esteem. (Though there are also many things that simply just give immediate pleasure) Temporary boosts in ego (often mistaken within oneself as self-esteem) very often give immediate pleasure and therefore are often easily preferred over long tedious processes of building self-esteem. Examples such as winning a political competition, getting a new branded bag, or getting good grades for a test without effort, as ends themselves, are common. These boosts are harmful because they are not actually not permanent (i.e. a skill or a personal achievement), are short-lived as only ego is boosted, not self-esteem.

The pleasure derived from direct stimulation for pleasure as well as ego-boosting events are actually what all of us tend to go for in the modern world with a strong excess of pleasure-stimulating opportunities. So yes, such addictions are very common, and can explain a person's mood swings and chase for same inane things that they themselves don't understand.

So What Is The Way To Deal With This?

There is truth in a statement that I've been reading a lot about lately, "no one truly believes their evil, even the hardest criminals believe that they were right". Everyone's ideal self-image is often that of a noble one, even if one denies it. Most people, when they realise it, will want to have contributed to mankind or their community in some way, or wish to leave a legacy that immortalises them. Recognising this is key in finding your way to a good and strong self-esteem because when you recognise it, you can identify what you're doing right, and move towards your goals.

The moment we accept our ideals and our addictions as normal, we can start realising our dreams buried beneath the mountain of "instant fixes" in our lives.

Moderating The Pendulum Swing

The day that we establish our self-esteem and recognise our true goals such that we can go towards it, many processes that used to be addiction-based would often lose its addictive flavour. Also, if allows one to moderate our pendulum swings such that it does not swing from extreme to extreme so easily, but instead tilt our centre of gravity to be more towards happiness - leading to a much better moderated life.


Why We Want Moderation

A small swing is much better than extreme swings because the average might be same, but the effects are very different. The most important reason for moderation is because of the fact that strong negative emotions have a lot more effects on our bodies and our minds than a long time in pure happiness. An analogy is driving, one moment of bad judgement can cause way more damage than many years of safe driving can repair. Another one would be of music, where the moment a mega boo boo appears and kills the momentum of the music, all the good will come to a naught. Therefore it is very important for the pendulum swing to not swing to the extreme side of negativity too often.


Countering The Effects Of Addictive Lifestyles

With new found awareness of one's own actions and dreams, I believe it's easier to conquer one's ego and build self-esteem for long-lasting happiness. The concentration should be on happiness, not avoiding the negative extreme, because that will tilt your pendulum the other way. The aim is to build a good esteem to allow reaching of your dreams and to maintain happiness.

I shall end it with an article that I read recently. Here's the link: http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg21128200.200-psychologist-why-we-screw-up-when-the-heat-is-on.html

The Pendulum Swings... Part 2

The Pendulum Swings... Part 2

The art and the science of everything is really about the duality between technicality and artistry. Rather honestly, I think art and science were actually largely the same until industrialisation and extreme separation of these subjects through education - just so that you could figure out who's better at what. However, many of the best scientists in the past were also great writers and were highly philosophical, as the true scientific method is actually an art in itself - figuring out what's false through logical methods with logical assumptions, which requires a lot of personalisation. There's no real way of separating the two completely, which is why I'm talking about this.

The Duality

Arts and science have always been polar opposites in this day. However are they really polar opposites? I would beg to differ from the "conventional" wisdom and say that a more conventional wisdom would actually argue that they're actually two sides of the same coin.

Science

Science talks about things which can be objectified, such as precise measurements or large sample studies having things which can be defined to numbers. But at the same time the scientific method is actually about disproving rather than proving anything, as the only empirical way of ever proving something right is through mathematics which is not a valid for many multi-factorial situations. (Or at least we haven't reached the level to be able to do prove all these ideas).

Art

Art, instead, accepts the fact that many things are not able to be fully explained purely by measurements and things which are "objective". It recognises that there are many layers and a lot of depth in a person's and in nature's structures that cannot be easily explained, or should be left unexplained as it's a lot more about perspective than overtly obvious evidence. It embraces the subjectivity of the situation, therefore also recognises the need to share views in terms of interpretation and experiences from situations or works, to widen perspective and increase awareness. However, art believes that all views are valid as long as there are logical steps taken towards understanding and appreciating situations and perspectives.

What it Means

Science and art are simply two different ways of viewing experiences. One talks about the objective measurables while art talks about the interpretation, perspective and openness. In music, that would be the duality of technique (chops) vs musicality. In medicine, that would be diagnostic and management knowledge vs ability to set up a therapeutic alliance. In research, that would be accuracy and precision vs originality and presentation. The list goes on indefinitely. And we actually all know that the success of a person or a group of people in an area is about the balance between the art and science of it, when put into practice it's hard to do.

What's Easy To Do

The easiest thing to do is actually to concentrate on one aspect and completely stick to it because if you stick to the subjective then there's no good or bad, no wrong or right, everything is gray. Meanwhile, if you stick completely to technique there's always a wrong or right, and it's much easier to dictate the lines and stick to the rules. Both are extremist, and thus are very clear guidelines are set: it's either everything is right, or there is an obvious split between the two. Neither of these are human though; to be too subjective is equivalent to no ability to learn or gain new appreciation as "every opinion is valid", while being too objective is equivalent to having the Ten Commandments - no one can truly achieve it. Thus both lead to A. frustrated people B. bigots C. pampered kids.

What's Difficult to Do

If you want to blend the two it's as difficult as trying to get that perfect shade of gray for yourself from black and white. It takes a long time because sometimes just a drop of white makes it too white, while adding black into it just spoils it again.

It takes a lot of trial and error and a lot of reflection for one to be able to reach a level where there is ability to separate as well as mix the two viewpoints together into one. But once you've found the right balance for yourself, it suddenly becomes easy and a part of you until your taste changes (but even then you would've found the new level of equilibrium already).

Practical Tips to Find Your Equilibrium

Another word for it would be balance of course. Well, to find the great point of the pendulum where you can define as your equilibrium state you have to start by knowing which obvious preference you have - towards musicality or technique, and going to the other end of the spectrum completely.

Much like the previous post, the best way to learn is by going to the other extreme end - put yourself to in a position which is by far uncomfortable such that you can experience something completely different and pick up a completely new skill. And to put yourself to that extreme the mindset must be there - to take on a new perspective and new knowledge altogether. You have to unlearn everything you learned (ie don't look at anything as if you know anything anymore, but instead be like a sponge and learn).

When you have taken both extremes, it is then possible to modulate as you're now able to see which perspective is really yours, the artistic or the technical one. It's the same with music - if you love Tchaikovsky's melodies, try out Schoenberg for lack of one. If you love complex harmony like Debussy, Brahms, Ravel, try going to Vivaldi and Haydn for lack of overtly complex ones.

Most Importantly

With that, you are able to find your true equilibrium rather than settling for an extreme and never feeling happy with where you are. Find your niche and the area you're happy with. Find people who belong to the extremes to experience their point of view but don't go fully in, instead find out what fits you the most. This is one you'll experience ease towards happiness, never really needing to work just to feel happy.

Lesson 6: The Pendulum Swings... Part 1

The Pendulum Swings... Part 1

This statement can be interpreted in a few ways when I'm connecting music to life. One of it is the obvious idea of going to the extremes of any field. Another one is about the balance between art and science of anything worth mentioning. And there's another idea is about the way we play our life and music's state of emotions - extreme euphoria or depression and the likes, the way we can approach them to ensure a healthy sound/mind. This also includes issues regarding inferiority complex which was discussed in Lesson 4

And comes the most obvious one which is related to the whole topic above - Pulse.

Just a quick mention is that this idea came about in my mind thanks to my mentor at TTSH, who's a fantastic psychiatrist and a mentor. =) And I need to thank Meryl for an interesting insight that I learned through discussion with her.

Let's Go EXTREME

Being extreme about everything can be really good for us sometimes. It really allows us to push the limits of our own capabilities, knowledge and awareness. I'm pretty sure everyone who knows me would know by know I'm quite obsessed when I go into something, last there for quite a while before I come out with a whole bunch of (mostly) useless knowledge but probably learned a good lesson from within. However, I'd like to state that living in extremes isn't such a great thing for our health, mentally or physically, in the long run.

Who're the extremes?

Our world shows us many great examples of extremes gone bad - religious extremists being a really harmful example, as well as people like Lady Gaga who go for extreme quirkiness (while everyone is cheering her on/laughing at her/hating on her, I can only imagine what insecurity she must have within to do what she does). There's something mentally disturbing about Lady Gaga that I suspect is affecting a lot of people who listen to her/watch her videos, but that's for discussion for another time.

There are many... neutral... extremes such as Bill Gates (watch Pirates of Silicon Valley, the fact that he has done a lot of good was neutralised by the fact that he has also done much harm), and people like Mark Zuckerberg (we still can't say Facebook is necessarily the best thing to happen to humanity or the worst...). There are also some examples of... mostly good extremists such as Ghandi, Mother Theresa and many other passionate activists who never become famous.

Pros and Cons

When one takes to the extremes, chances of them doing harm and good is almost equal, because extreme always means something is sacrificed. Most of the results are dependent on hindsight rather than anything else; most harmful extremes such as Hitler started with a noble vision in mind (patriotism, a greater Germany), just tainted by fear and hate which resulted in such horrific consequences.

Hitting the Threshold

The most important thing to note is that the idea of going extreme is nothing wrong. I actually would advise everyone who wants to really improve in a particular area to go really extreme when you first start (at least it's what I do). It's like making efforts to make sure that you cover all the basics as there is a threshold that after one reaches what they learned would've become a skill rather than just pure knowledge - it's like when you go up the pyramid on the Do You Want To Be A Millionaire? show, where every time you go up a certain number of questions you're guaranteed an amount of money regardless of whether you answer the next few questions correctly or not.

After you hit the threshold, you will definitely feel something majorly different, and might even plateau. That's when you hold back and learn to moderate. Short stints of extremes are often very effective in getting things done - such as practising 8 hours a day for 2 months; but after that you would need to take a breather (we all need to sleep after working for a day, it works the same in practising) such that we can let our mind consolidate.

Climbing up the scale

There will be many thresholds to hit as you improve, and there'll always be good times to push to the extreme and times to stretch to get more width. You have to let the pendulum swing all the way to the max in the area that you want for a while, and then moderate and come back, then swing again; this gives you maximum efficiency in the long run as our brain actually cannot "multi-task" as much as we'd like to imagine. If we concentrate on depth we should work almost completely on it; if we concentrate on width we should work mostly on it. This gives us the ability to use momentum to our favour like the pendulum - it covers larger area if it swing in one direction rather than multiple.

Especially in this day and age, you have to push yourself to be an expert in some sense (meaning unique skills) in order for you to even make a mark. This is because information is readily available and the capabilities of people around us seem to be just that high (with this competitive environment). Extremism can give you the edge initially, but the width gives you a much larger scope for you to be able to redirect energies. Such a breather will ensure that you can climb up your individual ladder efficiently and quickly, rather than charging down one path which might be guiding you to a different end point from where your strengths lie, limiting your true capabilities.

That's how you climb up the scale/ladder in anything that you do. It'll give you the depth and the width that you need when you're self-learning anything (this method is often difficult with conventional curriculum nowadays, but still usable if you have enough time).

It's all about Moderation

Looking at Steve Jobbs (hurting his health by his very extreme ideas), the long list of people who go to the extreme to earn money, leave a legacy, and religious extremists, sometimes they might be more "successful", or more "powerful" but at the end of the day it can take a toll on their lives, or even worse, others' lives. Another kind of extremism is the extreme cynicism leading to even nihilism (we just exist, with no meaning) leading to a destructive lifestyle or passive person. We need a bit of everything to function as humanly as possible.

We need to be overtly passionate/extreme about something, at least just for a while, so that we can reach a threshold before we move away, or we'd never improve in the long run. At the same time, making sure that you take breaks at suitable intervals will make you improve all the more when you restart your engines and push your way through to the next threshold. It's never easy, because if it was easy, everyone would be doing it, and there would be no real value added for you (no new experiences, unique skills and personal achievements that can help you fulfill your dreams)

Practical Tips

The most important part of the lesson is always the practical tips: concepts can only get you so far. Like what I tell everyone, start extreme - like if you want to learn jazz, listen to ONLY jazz for 2 months and reach the new point before you take on anything new; or if you want to learn about guitar-making *hint hint to a junior*, spend the next 2 months reading up on forums and reading guitar-making books and consulting everyone you know about it, and do the practical side of things too.

Immersing yourself in the field will gain you that extra insight into what you want to do and give you a lot of skills that you will never gain unless you put both feet in and go crazy.

After the 2 months though, please take a break because any harder you push might not give you that much of a gain. The 2 months can extend up to 6 months depending on individuals' capacity, but the best gauge is when you feel the change upon you, and have solidified it through a couple of experiences.

Create your environment to go EXTREME

What I do for others, and myself, is to create an environment for you to obsess about something, i.e. buy/grab tons of recordings of the genre of your choice and just spam it; leave your Firefox tabs on as all being about the topic of your interest; force yourself to read books/buy books and leave them in obvious places to remind yourself; leave post-it notes everywhere to create a billion and one reminders. And most importantly, envision yourself being at the level that you wish to be every night before you go to sleep. This encourages motivation and allows you to be extreme.

When you want to take your mind off it, just reverse the whole process and hide everything. Make it difficult for you to obsess. You'll see the effectiveness of this through measures you take every day.

Personal Experiences

A good friend of mine had a jazz burn out, and I see many people who are extreme for too long hurting their bodies and not being able to break out of the mold that they already pigeonholed themselves to be in.

I am thankful I have an angel who ensures I don't go too obsessed for too long, so she's my moderator. How about you? Remember, the moderator does not have to be a person, it can be a reminder on your handphone, it can be just the change of environment. Whatever it is, try to adjust your surroundings to facilitate your growth, not hamper it. =)

Additional Added Notes

I learned a few more things today that I thought I would share regarding extremism. One of the things that is really interesting about Jack/Jill of All Trades (genuine ones... meaning being actually good in many areas just not great) is that they are not actually very "split amongst a thousand things", but instead they went into each area of interest for a specific amount of time and created a skill as opposed to simply a knowledge. This is why extremism is a useful trait.

 

Another sad truth is that our education system doesn't inspire that - firstly we don't inspire learning skills but love rote-learning to the max. It also does not inspire us to dabble and obsess/delve deep into something because we always need to care for everything else even as a kid. It's really nice if you can go deep in the cave as someone/something is holding anchor for you on the other side, but such environments are hard to find, and it is also a good thing to take turns being the anchor too, that's when you get to see the breadth of things.