Lesson 5: Do Not Pigeonhole Yourself

Do Not Pigeonhole Yourself

Have you ever heard guys who go "I'm a ____ musician, and am too good for ____!"? I'm pretty sure all of us have heard that line somewhere before. I've spoken it myself many times when I was younger when I thought that classical music and jazz were superior to everything else (unconsciously actually, if I knew I was doing that I might've hated myself).

The Superiority Complex

It is natural for people to want to be part of an exclusive bunch or do something that they think is "superior" to the rest. That's because of the fact that there seems to be some kind of hierarchy in everything that we do in life - most people believe that being a doctor is "superior" to being a lawyer in terms of nobility, though I know for a fact that isn't true; being financially rich is always better. The list is non-exhaustive and in every field in the world there is such thing as a superior person/career/position/ability/whatever.

This gives people the wish to tag themselves with terms such as "lawyer", "doctor", "banker", "socialite" and feel good about it. It's what they identify themselves as, and they try very hard to live up to it. Just to upkeep one's image, many people go to great extents to make sure that they fit the image, often trying to change characteristics of themselves, following particular trends religiously, and more importantly needlessly spend lots of money to maintain the image. For musicians, many pick up drugs, destructive lifestyles, practising habits, snobbishness, and a whole range of unhealthy things for their bodies and their minds in order to keep with the image that society has of their ideal self.

Isn't that tiring and painful?

That was pretty much a rhetorical question. Many of these expectations are either unrealistic or often misguided. We try to hard to mimic what is only a portion of the image - the doctor who's always kind and warm and never wrong; the lawyer who fights for justice and earns barely enough to eat, or sells his soul for a great income; the banker with a high income high expenditure lifestyle who does not need to sleep and wines and dines at the highest end places; the musician who takes drugs and mulls over people not appreciating their music and therefore they start self-destructing; and as again the list goes on. The actions and ideas above are due to the images that we assume is the role of our ideal self, and it ends up killing us spiritually, financially, and physically. It trades our true sense of self-esteem (ie accepting yourself) for a false sense of identity of what you are not.

How about try being yourself?

The overwhelming effort one takes to pigeonhole oneself can easily be channeled into being the best version of yourself, which is far more rewarding and effective. Everyone has different experiences and the whole interplay of the same factors, whether be it environment or habits, will affect everyone differently. And the beautiful part about humanity is that completely mimicking only results in an inferior version of the predecessor, purely because it's always going to be following the original, never exceeding the original.

Why being yourself is better

You can't change your basic fundamental self in some sense, we all come with inherent values and morals that were shaped by the way that we were brought up, as our brains are wired to be different. You can change the way your values, such as helpfulness, optimism, etc, and package them in a different way that is healthier (mentally, such that you can be happier), but you can't really change their presence. So the best way is to adapt your skills and values such that it becomes uniquely yours. There's no true basis of comparison when something is genuinely and uniquely yours, and is the best of yourself, for you will be the expert of your own ideas, sounds, skills or taste. So there's no such thing as being truly "superior" other than being "more of yourself" (that's of course my view).

The Most Important Questions

Some tips on how you can start really finding out whether you're pigeonholing yourself:

Are you doing some things you yourself think is not-exactly-wise because you think that fits the image of what you want yourself to be but you can't come to terms with it?

Is your aim your own, or directly lifted off someone else?

Is there someone, or some people, you worship and can see no flaws in?

Do you feel you're superior to everyone else because you are a ______ (label)? Do you feel like therefore you can't connect with others because they're inferior?

If the answer to any of the questions is yes, chances are, you are likely to end up pigeonholing yourself if you haven't already done so.

How To Fix It?

Steps to take would be to ask a billion and one why's to everything that you are aiming to be. Such as, "Why do I want to be ____?", "Why do I like ____?", and at the end of it you will have to find out whether you've been honest with yourself and see what you're truly about. At that time can you distill what is it that you want. The process is often tedious and painful, and probably take a lifetime because we have many areas of ourselves that we never knew existed. However the concept is simple, but it's difficult to achieve as it requires strong reflection, which incidentally wasn't a strength of mine either.

In music, you have to do this repeatedly before you can find the sound you want to achieve (ie something of your own). And through music appreciation, you can also find ways to appreciate how people are different, and how great art comes from people who choose to be the best that they can be even if they're in an anguished state, as they are honest to themselves and the art (even if they might not be to everything else).

That's why art is beautiful.